Good Help Is Hard To Find
by paperpenguin
Summary: When two personal assistants show up looking for Master Hand, problems arise... I know, horrible summary, but this is better than it sounds. ON INDEFINITE HIATUS
1. Default Chapter

AN: In this story, Master Hand and Crazy Hand can change from glove form back to a human form whenever the need arises, just so you know...

Disclaimer: If I owned any part of SSBM or Cinnabun, why would I be sitting here writing this?

It was early. Very early. Master Hand was generally an early riser, but 3am was too early even for him. Nevertheless, there were two beings standing outside the door of the Smasher's Mansion beaming up at him.  
  
The female one spoke first in a extrordinarliy chipper tone of voice, reading from a small card in her hand. "Congratulations sir or madame on your hiring of two personal assistants in order to further your establishment and-crap, the ink's smeared, I can't read it. Oh well, you get the general idea. Right?"   
  
Master Hand blinked. "What are you talking about? I didn't hire anyone! I don't even know who you are!"  
  
"That's company policy. Nobody is supposed to know the identity of their assistants, not even the assistants themeselves. See what a great system it is?" Her male counterpart spoke up, grinning.   
  
"I don't need this at 3 in the morning. Go bother the person who was stupid enough to actually hire you, why don't you?" Master Hand snapped, slamming the door. However, the male managed to shove his foot into the crack before the door closed all the way. The female took out a sheaf of papers and waved them in Master Hand's face.  
  
"See this? YOU signed the papers, YOU hired us, and this is YOUR address. And we're not leaving. At least not until we get paid for our services, at least..." She stated, all traces of chipper-ness gone.  
  
"I didn't sign this! For one, my name is not Anonymous, this isn't my handwriting and I do NOT run a Cinnabun stand at the airport!" Master Hand exploded, looking at the documents in front of him.  
  
"Darn. I was hoping we'd get paid in Cinnabuns...Oh well, looks like you're stuck with us for the duration. See, there's miles of paperwork involved, a total mess. Real frustrating. And we have nowhere to go except for our boss's place of business until this is all taken care of. And according to these papers, that's here! Fun, no?" The male exclaimed cheerfully.  
  
"Do I have a choice?" Master Hand asked tiredly.  
  
"Nope. By the way, I'm Siegfried and my comrade is Roi. Very pleased to meet you, Anonymous!" The male explained.  
  
"Siegfried and Roy, huh? And, since I am your new employer, at least for the time being, you should know that I am Master Hand, not Anonymous!" Master Hand said, raising an eyebrow as he led his unwanted assistants into the Mansion. It was going to be a very long visit...

Well, R&R! Thanx! 


	2. Chapter 2: Into The Mansion

_AN: Wow, I actually made it to Chapter 2. And I even got a review! Yay! Anyways, just a quick note: I'll be on vacation by the time this gets up, so don't expect Chapter 3 for a few days, 'kay?  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own SSBM, SSB, any corporate giants that somehow get in here, or anything else! Really!_

* * *

It was now 8 in the morning. However, most of the Smashers were still sleeping, which was probably the most constructive thing that would get done all day. Siegfried and Roi had long since disappeared into the depths of the Mansion, probably down one of the many unexplored hallways in the cavernous building, where Master Hand was hoping they'd stay. It wasn't like it would be difficult to do, either. Most people had problems finding the front door. Then again, Siegfried and Roi were NOT most people...  
  
At 8:02, Roy appeared in the gigantic kitchen, bleary eyed and still half asleep. This was a rare occurence for the pyro. Usually Roy was like this at noon. The redhead rummaged through a cupboard, futilely searching for something edible. Coming up empty, he turned around to see a stranger watching him with a slightly amused look on his face.  
  
"Great. Master's been tinkering with the fabric of the universe again. I TOLD him playing God was a bad idea..." Roy grumbled, half to himself.   
  
" ...I was just looking through the records in one of those rooms down there..." Siegfried said, taken aback by the strange response.  
  
"For real? This dump actually has RECORDS? And you actually found them? Most people have a hard time finding the front door." Roy exclaimed, suddenly wide awake.  
  
"Yeah, if you count a few mangled scraps of paper in an otherwise bare room. I was expecting a more detailed setup, actually." Siegfried answered him.  
  
"Good luck. Master Hand and Crazy Hand never leave the 3 1/2 floor unless it's a special occasion, and even that's difficult. I doubt they'd leave to go keep records." Roy said cynically.  
  
"3 1/2 floor? Crazy Hand?" Siegfried raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Welcome to the Smasher's Mansion."

* * *

Up in the 3 1/2 floor, Master Hand was fuming.  
  
"They have to go! I don't know how much longer I can stand listening to them!"  
  
"Look, they might be useful. I mean, how bad can two humans be?" Crazy asked calmly.  
  
"How would you know, you weren't there! You should have heard the response I got when I told them I had no idea who they were! As if the others aren't bad enough, now I have to deal with two more!" Master Hand ranted, pacing up and down.  
  
"Hey, don't I get one? I could always use a personal slave..." Crazy Hand grinned.  
  
"You mean 'assistant'. Anyway, it's YOUR funeral. You can have 'em both, if you're so desperate for companionship." Master Hand muttered gloomily. 

_Ok, R&R please!_


	3. Chapter 3: Crazy Hand

_A/N: Yes, I'm back. Sorry bout the delay, but I was on vacation and I don't own a laptop. Anyway, for those of you wondering about my other fic, I'll update that ASAP._

_Disclaimer: Why do you think I own anything? _

* * *

It was now 8:30AM. About half the Smashers were up at this point, although the kitchen was deserted except for Roy and Roi. Neither was really sure about the fate of everyone else, but they were both too busy to care, seeing as how Roy was attempting to explain life at the Smasher's Mansion to a confused and rather skeptical Roi.  
  
"See, everyone was basically plucked from their home dimension to go entertain Master Hand and rule the world or something." Roy explained.  
  
" 'Rule the world or something'? " Roi asked cynically, arching an eyebrow.  
  
"Well, how would I know? Master was never very clear on anything, and I'm one of the newer Smashers anyway. When he says something, it's usually some incredibly vague advice or some threat for doing something like fighting outside of the arenas. Not like it stops anyone or anything like that though..." Roy said grumpily.  
  
"Look, I appreciate the effort, but maybe you should just let me find out on my own. There's a lot more information involved with this place than you'd think." Roi said, slightly overwhelmed.  
  
"Not really. Just stay away from the more perverted Smashers and pretend to do what those two say and you're probably fine." Roi said, leaning back in his chair, only to topple over.  
  
"...Never mind, I don't think I want to know..." Roi said, sweatdropping slightly as a large white glove floated into the kitchen in an obvious bad mood, if gloves could have bad moods.  
  
"Roi!" The glove shouted angrily.  
  
"What?" Both Roy and Roi answered simultaneously.  
  
The glove sighed impatiently. "Not you, the other one."  
  
"Which of us is the other one?" Roy inquired, confused.  
  
The glove visibly restrained itself from using Roy as a moving target and grabbed Roi roughly by the arm and dragged her off. As they were traveling down the dark hallways, a familiar voice sounded out in the darkness.  
  
"Having fun?" Siegfried chirped, leaning against a door.  
  
The glove stopped to look at him for a moment quizzically.  
  
"Just how did you find the door to the 3 1/2 floor so fast, anyway? Oh well, doesn't really matter, I suppose. Now get in here!" The glove shouted, flinging the door open and depositing both the "assistants" on the floor unceremoniously.  
  
"Now! I suppose you are wondering who I am-" The glove began.  
  
"The guy with the Cinnabun stand at the airport who was supposed to have hired us in the first place?" Siegfried interrupted.  
  
"No! I am the great and magnificent Crazy Hand, whom you shall both obey at all costs!" Crazy Hand shouted, striking what he considered a heroic and inspiring pose.  
  
Siegfried and Roi exchanged worried looks. "Whatever. So, what shall we do first?" Siegfried asked, rather disturbed by Crazy Hand's pose.  
  
This stopped Crazy Hand dead in his tracks. "That's easy, you'll go..uh..." Crazy Hand trailed off midsentence.  
  
"Well, then why don't you have us go and make sure everyone is up?You know, for the good of the company and all that." Siegfried suggested, his eyes sparkling mischieviously.  
  
"Uh, sure, why not?" Crazy Hand uttered, looking rather lost as the twosome left the 3 1/2 floor to go do their "master" 's bidding. Once out of hearing range, Roi spun around to glare at Siegfried angrily.  
  
"What were you thinking?! This place is full of people called SMASHERS, for God's sake! Why couldn't you let sleeping dogs lie, so to speak?" She hissed furiously.  
  
"Well, what did you want me to say to get us out of there? We can take anything they throw at us. Literally and figuratively. Besides, I've got a plan that won't get us in trouble whatsoever! What could go wrong?" Siegfried replied calmly, a slight smirk on his lips as he began to outline his idea.

* * *

_Alright, R&R please! _


	4. Chapter 4: Good Morning!

_A/N: If you noticed that Siegfried and Roi "mysteriously" switched places in Chapter 3, that's a typo. I was writing that Chapter late at night, so I was a little more unfocused than usual. Just ignore that for right now...  
  
Disclaimer: Sorry to disappoint you, but I still own nothing._

_

* * *

_It was currently 8:46 in the morning, according to the clock sitting next to Marth's bed. Marth rolled over and tried to go back to sleep. Not like anyone would be up at this hour anyway. However,a light tap on the shoulder awakened him again. Standing beside his bed were Roy and Link, for some reason known only to themselves.  
  
"What're you guys doing up? Is Roy trying to impress Peach again or something?" Marth asked groggily, sitting up in bed.  
  
"Crazy's orders. Everyone's supposed to be up by now." Link informed him.  
  
"That's great, except that I'm going back to sleep, whether you two like it or not." Marth told them, flopping back down onto the bed, missing the grin that passed between the two swordsmen. 

------------------------

"COME BACK HERE, YOU GUYS!"  
  
Angry shouting rang through the halls as a half dressed Marth, completly soaked, chased his fellow swordsmen through the mansion.  
  
"Morning, Marth. Is it Clothing Optional Day already?" Roy asked, leaning against the wall as Marth sped past him.  
  
"Not now Roy, I've got to go hurt you and Link for dumping a pail of water on me!" Marth shouted back as he kept running. Suddenly, he stopped. "Wait a minute. If you're here, then who the hell am I chasing?"  
  
"Dunno, maybe Dr. Mario's trying to fix the Cloning Machine again. Coffee?" Roy shrugged, completly unfazed.  
  
Muttering to himself, Marth pulled on a tunic and joined the redhead in the kitchen. Several minutes later, Siegfried and Roi joined them, both looking pleased with themselves.  
  
"Didn't you two have to go cater to Crazy's every whim?" Roy asked, not noticing the look of suprise on Marth's face at seeing two complete strangers walk in.  
  
"Eh, all he wanted us to do was wake everyone up, and your friend's screaming just did the job for us." Siegfried answered him cockily, flopping down into a chair.  
  
"Wait a minute..Crazy Hand told you guys to go wake up everyone?" Marth asked suspiciously.  
  
"Yep."  
  
"Then YOU'RE the two jerks who dumped that water on me this morning, not Link and Roy! I don't know how you did it, but it was you guys!" Marth exclaimed, jumping up, sword in hand.  
  
Roi looked to Siegfried. "See, told ya he'd figure it out. You owe me $20."  
  
"Wait 'till I get my hands on you..." Marth growled, leaping over the counter as Siegfried and Roi headed for the exit.  
  
Roy watched them go. "Darn. That was a good idea, too. Wish I'd thought of it..."  
  
After they had gone, Zelda wandered in, awakened by all the shouting.  
  
"What happened, the usual? You can hear them all over the Mansion." She asked nonchalantly.  
  
"No, just waking everyone up. Marth was kind enough to volunteer his time and energy."

* * *

_Alright, you know the drill. R&R please!_


	5. Chapter 5: Good, Clean Fun

_A/N: I know, only 3 Smashers have appeared so far, but I promise I'll add more. Although I DO love working with Roy and Marth....  
  
Disclaimer: The day I own SSBM, the Four Horsemen Of The Apocalpyse will ride up to my house and offer me a cheeseless cheeseburger. So far, that hasn't happened. Yet._

_

* * *

_

It was now 9 o'clock on the dot. Master Hand emerged from the 3 1/2 floor, only to narrowly avoid getting run over by two Bengal tigers.  
  
"What the..?" Master Hand muttered as Marth charged into him, followed closely by Yoshi. Roy, Zelda and Ness stood several feet away watching the whole scene with obvious amusement.  
  
"Oh! M-master Hand! I didn't see you there." Marth stuttered nervously, picking himself up.  
  
"What the hell are you people DOING?" Master Hand roared angrily.  
  
Before anyone could answer him, Yoshi spoke up earnestly. "I was running for President, and Marth was my running mate!"  
  
Yoshi was not the brightest Smasher around. Most people thought he had a splintery table leg for a brain. Nobody was quite sure how he ended up as a Smasher in the first place. Still, on one of the rare occasions Yoshi got something right, he was an okay guy.  
  
"Actually, Marth was just waking everyone up..." Zelda put in quickly, seeing as how Master Hand looked like he was about to explode.  
  
"No I wasn't! I was trying to catch the two shapeshifters who snuck in here and poured water on me!" Marth cried, trying not to evoke Master Hand's wrath this early in the day.  
  
"Marth, I already told you, those guys are personal assistants, not strangers." Roy said, completly oblivious to Master Hand's rapidly rising temper.  
  
"If you're going to start lying about bringing pet tigers into the Mansion, the least you could do is agree on one story!" Master Hand said sternly.  
  
"You're not listening! They're not pets, they're sha-" Marth's last ditch attempt to make Master Hand listen to him was cut off as Kirby bounced off him and landed on Yoshi's head,  
where he stuck there.  
  
"Wow! A Kirby hat, just like the ones that Kirby has! That must mean I can fly now, just like Kirby!" Yoshi shouted, not noticing the muffled cries of "Puyo!" coming from his new "hat" as he ran off to go test his new abilities.  
  
Just then, Bowser stuck his head of the the next room. "Hey, has anyone seen Kirby? Me, Ganondorf, Mewtwo and DK were playing beach volleyball with him and he got knocked out of the court."  
  
Master Hand frowned. "There's no beach around here for miles. And Mr. Game & Watch melted our only volleyball last week when he accidentally spiked the ball into a bowl of Yoshi's soup."  
  
Roy shuddered. "Why did we let him cook dinner that night, anyway?"  
  
"Only Yoshi would mistake a beaker of glowing green acid for celery. Good thing Kirby drank it all before we could get to it..." Ness said.  
  
"Oh, we created our own court." Bowser reassured Master Hand as he opened the door wide for all to see.  
  
"I'm impressed. You managed to coat an entire room with sand before noon. And this is high quality sand, too." Roy said approvingly, surveying the sand filled room.  
  
"Don't tell me you made your own ball too..." Master Hand groaned.  
  
"Of course not! We used Kirby." DK told him.  
  
"For such a small being, he made an excellent ball, until Ganondorf used his Warlock Punch to serve the ball." Mewtwo informed them.  
  
"Isn't that against the rules?" Zelda said skeptically.  
  
"I am the great king of evil! I care not for rules!" Ganondorf shouted, glaring at the princess, who rolled her eyes.  
  
"That's it! You people need SOMETHING to occupy your time if this is the type of thing you're planning on doing when you're not fighting!" Master Hand declared angrily.  
  
"Like what?" Ness asked.  
  
"A tournament! And the winner gets..um..." Master Hand trailed off. The Smashers were not motivated very easily.  
  
"How about they get to be Boss For A Day?" Roi suggested from the hallway, where she and Siegfried were standing, having changed back to their regular forms.  
  
"All right, a decent prize for once! I'm in!" Roy shouted happily, dragging Marth off with him to go announce the news to the rest of the Smashers before Master Hand could object, followed by everyone else, leaving Master Hand and his "assistants" in the dust.  
  
Once they were gone, Master Hand whirled around and glared at the two figures standing in front of him. "You've done it now! We're all doomed!" He hissed angrily.  
  
"Don't worry, we'll handle the whole thing for you! You won't have to do a thing!" Siegfried assured him.  
  
"That's not the problem-" Master Hand began, but Siegfried and Roi were already gone. "Guess I'll have to handle this myself..." Master Hand muttered, taking out a cell phone.

* * *

_Okay, you can R&R now! Just click on the little button, won't take long! _


	6. Chapter 6: Preparations Galore!

_A/N: Sorry about the wait, but my computer was being positivly evil for the past few days. Couldn't do a thing with it....  
  
Disclaimer: You know what I'm about to say(or should that be type?)here, but I'll write it anyway. I do not own SSBM, yada yada yada. Satisfied?_

_

* * *

_It was now 9:45, and the Smashers were all preparing for the tournament in one way or another.  
  
"I don't know why everyone's so worked up over this, we have tournaments during tournaments, or at least until Master Hand and Crazy Hand lose intrest..." Marth grumbled to Roy as he polished his sword.  
  
"Yeah, but there's a prize worth winning this time! Not like one of those cheesy trophies from the oversized Trophy Machine down in the souvenire shop. I mean, kids buy those for what, two coins each! I could buy like 15 of those!" Roy replied, plopping down into a nearby chair.  
  
"Yeah, if you actually had any money." Marth smirked.  
  
"Uh-huh, real funny Marth. By the way, that sword's gonna blind somebody if you polish it anymore." Roy replied as Marth scowled at him.  
  
"I'm just worried about what'll happen to all of us if somebody actually wins..." Zelda said thoughtfully as she walked towards the two swordsmen.  
  
"Don't worry. You think Master and Crazy will actually let one of us win? By the way, if you polish that sword of yours anymore, you're gonna blind somebody, Marth." Falco broke in, leaning over the back of one of the huge wing chairs scattered all around the room, ignoring the death glare he was getting from Marth.  
  
"Hey, has anyone seen Kirby lately? We wanna play volleyball, and Jigglypuff's too light." Bowser's deep voice rumbled as he stomped into the room where everyone else was.  
  
"Uh..last time I saw him, Yoshi was using him as a hat. Said something about flying..." Roy said, screwing up his face in a look of concentration.  
  
"Oh, so he's doomed then. Thanks anyway..." Bowser said as he passed by a window where, off in the distance, a green blob flew past by blowing himself up with air, like Kirby would.  
  
"Anyway, has anyone seen those two lately? Or those assistant people, now that I think of it..." Zelda asked curiously as the others all shook their heads.

* * *

Meanwhile, in the depths of the Mansion that was ridiculosly big, even for some twenty-odd people, Master Hand was meeting with a figure standing in the shadows.

"So, can you REALLY do something about all of this?" Master Hand asked the figure skeptically.  
  
"Of course, iffen I calls in alla my boys. Dis here's a big job, you unnerstand? Bumpin' off a coupla shapeshifters and sabotaging a tournament--requires a lotta manpower, not ta mention cash. " The figure told him confidently.  
  
"You've already been paid, so get to it!" Master Hand told it sternly.

"Alright, but dis place is ridiculosly big, even for some twenny-odd peoples. Dis could take a bit a time..." The figure muttered as it stole away. Master Hand watched it go. Suddenly, a tiny glove with wings and a halo appeared next to Master Hand.  
  
"You shouldn't kill people who are only trying to help you!" It lectured him.  
  
Another glove appeared on Master Hand's other side, only it was bright red and had horns, a pointed tail and a pitchfork.  
  
"Don't listen to him! Kill whoever you want and let God sort 'em all out!" It shouted angrily.  
  
Master Hand looked from one glove to the other. "Are you guys my consience or something?" He asked suspiciously.  
  
"Sure, why not." The red glove said, shrugging.  
  
"Wait a minute,_ I_ have a consciense?" Master Hand asked incredulosly.  
  
"Wait, you're not Santa Claus? Sorry, wrong guy." The white glove told him as it and the other glove poofed out of existence.  
  
"Hmph. Second time in one day." Master Hand muttered to himself as he went off to go complain to the Information section of whatever place kept sending people to him.

* * *

_Yay! I always wanted to write a shady character into one of my fanfics...  
  
Oh, and R&R now please! _


	7. Chapter 7: Superstitions

_A/N: Great. School has started once more. It's only been one day and I'm already ready for Summer Vacation to start again! Oh well, not like I have a choice. At least I get new material from school every once in a while. Alright, I'll stop my mini-rant here for now, and let you read the latest chapter.  
  
Disclaimer: I own absolutly, positivly nothing and can say so with all certainy. Happy now,  
all you law-type people? ...Well? Are ya?_

* * *

It was currently 11:58 AM, and everyone was gathered in the big Waiting Room where the Smashers were sent during a tournament. You could also watch the matches from there, if you so pleased. The Smashers were getting a little nervous, seeing as how the latest tournament started at exactly 12 noon and Masher Hand had not yet done anything to sabotage the tournament as he usually did when something big was at stake.  
  
"You don't think he's planning something really big, like murder..Do you?" Ness asked nobody in particular.  
  
"Please. Murder is NOT such a big deal in the real world." Bowser told him arrogantly.  
  
"How would YOU know? As far as I know, you've never actually killed anyone!" Luigi exclaimed.  
  
"You'd better keep your big yap shut, or you'll be the first..!" Bowser growled menacingly, causing Luigi to look slightly more nervous than usual.  
  
"Actually, I wouldn't put it past Master to try and kill us all. He's not exactly the most stable giant floating talking glove thingy around..." Samus put in thoughtfully.  
  
"He already has! Remember that time he set all those motion sensor bombs on Icicle Mountain and told us we were having an melee with everybody on there?" Link said.  
  
"Which would be why I need a better life insurance plan..." Marth muttered from across the room.  
  
"Murder plots or not, I'll win this little competion, hands down!" Peach announced to the room.  
  
"Pi pika. Chu pi pi!" Pikachu added in his two cents as well.  
  
"Watch yourself, small one. Such foul words are not sporting for a losing competitor." Mewtwo told Pikachu, a faint smile on his lips.  
  
"I wouldn't be suprised if Yoshi won at this point. With those two psychos running about, who knows what'll happen?" Marth said darkly.  
  
"Oh, you're still mad because they poured water on your head." Roy said airly as Marth rolled his eyes.  
  
Ignoring the varied conversations swirling around the room, Fox noticed something. "Mr. Game And Watch is in the kitchens right now. Right?"  
  
"No, he's supposed to be sparring with Captain Falcon right now. Some sort of wager, I think." Zelda told him, frowning slightly.  
  
"I'll bet anything that Falcon loses. Let's face it-the guy's a complete flop as a gambler." Samus interrupted before either Zelda or Fox could say another word. The friction between the two bounty hunters was well known throughout the Mansion.  
  
"Whatever. The point is, Mr. Game And Watch isn't here. You know him, he always follows everyone around the Mansion. If he was okay, he would have wandered along after all of us as per usual!" Fox said, doing a passable Sherlock Holmes impression.  
  
"...So?" Peach asked.  
  
Fox didn't have a chance to answer because Captain Falcon and Mr. Game And Watch showed up just then. Well, really Mr. Game And Watch showed up first, running in hyserically with a black cat stuck to his head. Falcon followed leisurely after, sweatdropping slightly. Before anyone could start asking questions, a convieniently placed grandfather clock bonged out Twelve Noon.  
  
"What's with you two? Is it Invent A New Hat Day already?" Roy inquired curiously.  
  
"I keep telling you Roy, those holidays don't exist! You invented them!" Marth practically shouted, his already thin patience(and sanity) hanging by a thread.  
  
"Oh? Then what do you call...THIS!" Roy shot back, pulling a day to day calendar out of his pocket and flipped it to the current date.  
  
Marth peered at the page. "Huh. What do you know, it actually says it's Invent A New Hat Day. Your insanity must be catching, Roy."  
  
Captain Falcon cleared his throat noisily. "I belive we were discussing Roy's question..?"  
  
"Oh, come off it. It's a pretty obvious question. Roy's just the only one stupid enough to actually blurt it out." Zelda said airly.  
  
"Look, there was just a few black cats running around the hallways and Game And Watch got a little superstitious. Of course,_ I'm_ not the superstitious type..." Captain Falcon explained sheepishly.  
  
"Well, we should all be fine except for you and poor Mr. Game And Watch, then. I mean, it's not like a bunch of black cats crossed OUR paths, right?" Nana said cheerily.  
  
As if on cue, a herd of black cats thundered into the room, crossing everyone's path several times over.  
  
Popo glared at Nana. "Great. Now we're ALL cursed."  
  
Before an massive argument that would almost certainly become a giant brawl could break out, Siegfried and Roi rushed into the room.  
  
"Sorry we're late. A giant rolling stone nearly crushed us, the elevator cable snapped, the toaster exploded and I got a rather nasty papercut from the mail in the kitchen. Nothing TOO serious." Siegfried explained.  
  
"Right then, should we start the tournament?" Roi said briskly.  
  
"Uh, can we get a raincheck on that? A herd of black cats just ran in and caused a lot of bad luck. Not exactly great fighting conditions..." Link said as the other Smashers nodded in agreement.  
  
"So get a four leaf clover, or a horseshoe, or better still, a horseshoe made out of four leaf clovers!" Roi said.  
  
"Besides, these cute little kitties couldn't hurt a thing, let alone cause bad luck!" Siegfried said, leaning down to stroke one of the cats.  
  
Roi sighed in exasperation. "No, you just like cats."  
  
"Don't tell me you're all superstitious! You're just afraid I'll win." Captain Falcon declared.  
  
"You wish! I'll STILL win, thank you very much!" Peach said haughtily, her hands on her hips. The rest of the Smashers quickly became re-enuthused, and the tournament was on,  
starting with Mewtwo versus Ness!

* * *

_Finally we get to the battle scenes! Took me long enough, no? Well, R&R while you're waiting for the fight sequences! _


	8. Chapter 8: The Tournament Begins!

_A/N: Yay, more reviews! _

_Mr Lefty: Yeah, I know. Oh well, I wanted to do some sort of double name, and I doubt that many people would get "Gilbert and Sullivan". BTW, advice is good! I could use some now and then...  
  
Disclaimer: The day I own any part of Nintendo, SSB, SSBM or any other things that belong to somebody else in here is the day my alarm clock explodes when I press the snooze button. That WOULD encourage me to not hit the snooze button all the time though..._

* * *

As Ness and Mewtwo were teleported to the stage they were to battle on, Green Greens, Ness began to get slightly nervous. After all, he had just nearly been trampled by a bunch of black cats. Fighting on a stage where the floor could blow you up or drop you down and a tree could push you around whenever it pleased wasn't exactly the luckiest place to be. As the match started, Mewtwo, sensing his opponent's worries, attacked immediatly, throwing Ness into one of the bomb blocks off to the side, which promptly exploded, sending the young psychic straight up.  
  
Mewtwo smirked. "You actually belive that a bunch of furry organic creatures will cause you to lose? Then you are quite pathetic indeed."  
  
"Wait, what about furry oregano?" Ness shouted, his ears still ringing from the blast. As he staggered dazedly towards Mewtwo, he tripped over a Green Shell, which shot straight into Mewtwo, sending him into a bomb block on the other side of the stage. However, Mewtwo managed to block most of the blast.  
  
"As you can see, the only thing that will cause your downfall happens to be me." Mewtwo growled, stepping towards Ness with a huge ball of energy cradled in his hands. The clock showed three seconds left as the cat-like creature began to fire the ball.  
  
The energy ball hit Ness, KO'ing him. But at the same time, a Bob-om that had been walking about unnoticed near the two Smashers' feet had chosen this time to explode as well, sending Mewtwo flying right as Siegfried and Roi called time, making the match a draw.  
  
Back in the Mansion, the Smashers began to get superstious again. Strangely enough, Mr. Game And Watch seemed calmer than everyone else, while Captain Falcon was beginning to get more than a little edgy. Of course, you could never tell when it came to Mr. Game And Watch, seeing as how the little black figure never spoke in anything but ear-grating bleeps and bongs.  
  
"Well, that was certainly unlucky..." Peach said after a few seconds.  
  
"Er..yeah. Eh heh heh heh. But, seeing as how I'm completely NOT superstitious in any way or manner, it doesn't matter! Now, I have to go..uh..do something that has nothing whatsoever to do with good luck charms of any sort. Nope, anything but that. Not me!" Captain Falcon stuttered nervously as he backed quickly out of the room. All the Smashers watched him go.  
  
"Huh. I wonder what his problem is?" Mario said aloud.  
  
"That was..interesting. Anyway, the next match was supposed to be Captain Falcon versus Yoshi, but seeing as how C.F's gone to go look for God knows what, we'll have to substitute a name out of this hat." Siegfried explained, pulling out a convieniently placed top hat and fishing in it for a name.  
  
"And the winner is...Marth!" Roi announced to the rest of the room. Everyone but Marth breathed a quiet sigh of relief. Bad luck tended to follow Yoshi around wherever he went. Of course, this might have had something to do with Yoshi's stepladder collection in his room that you had to pass under to get inside. Or his notoriously bad saltshaker-to-food coordination. Or his habit of walking around the Mansion with an open umbrella for no good reason. 

Marth grumbled half-heartedly as he started towards the Teleporter, followed closely by Yoshi. However, Marth failed to notice that Yoshi had followed him so closely, he had walked into the same Teleporter as Marth!

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_I know, this chapter wasn't that funny...I'll try and do better next time, though! R&R please! _


	9. Chapter 9: Mafia Kitties

_A/N: Sorry about the wait, my computer's been down recently.  
  
the pen pals: What do you expect, they're assistants! But yeah, they're definitely funnier that way. Oh, and thanks for the review!  
  
'blah' thoughts  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing in this fic. Really! Why don't you believe me?_

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Marth appeared opposite of Yoshi in Big Blue, where he and Yoshi were supposed to battle.  
  
'Perfect. Just perfect. I get to fight the unluckiest guy in the Mansion in the most dangerous place. Oh well, at least things can't get any worse...' Marth thought, trying to see the metaphorical glass as half full as the match began.  
  
However, there was something strange about this fight that Marth couldn't quite put his finger on. Before Marth could begin to figure it out, though, Yoshi bounded over to him and slashed viciously at Marth with a sword that looked strangely like Falchion. Marth looked down towards his scabbard to find that Falchion was indeed gone!  
  
"Yoshi, give it here!" Marth growled furiously at the dinosaur, who stuck his tongue out in response.  
  
Marth stuck his tongue out back, accidentally stretching his tongue out so far that he snagged Falchion by mistake and ended up swallowing it, much like Yoshi would have done. In fact, it was almost as if he had Yoshi's tongue...  
  
"Huh. I didn't know you liked to eat swords too, Marth. You should have said something." Yoshi said happily as he watched Marth run around the stage in a panic. This probably would have gone on for some time if the ship Marth had been riding on hadn't chosen that exact time to speed up, throwing Marth off onto Yoshi and over the edge, KO'ing them both.  
  
"So that's what happens when two people use the same transporter. You owe me 5 bucks, Fox." Link said as Marth and Yoshi stepped out of different transporters this time, the effects apparently having been reversed.  
  
"Maybe you guys haven't heard, but to have a sucessful tournament, you can't both keep being KO'ed at the same time..." Roi said sarcastically.  
  
"I was facing Yoshi, what did you expect?' Marth snapped irritably, feeling his throat nervously, making sure there was no lasting damage from his impromptu sword swallowing act.  
  
"Oh, that's your excuse for everything." Roy said airly, waving one hand in the air as Marth kicked him in the shins grumpily.  
  
"Can we just get on with the tournament before anything else happens?" Popo asked hopefully.  
  
"Ok then, you and Nana versus Peach in Yoshi's Island." Siegfried responded without missing a beat.  
  
"This is NOT what I had in mind..." Popo muttered mutinously as the Ice Climbers and Peach trudged into the transporters reluctantly.

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Meanwhile, Captain Falcon was now hopelessly lost deep within one of the many dead end hallways that wound through the heart of the Mansion.  
  
"Well, at least I'm in a place that won't cause me any bad luck whatsoever! I mean, they were just silly little kitties! What's there to be afraid of? They can't even talk!" Captain Falcon declared as he strode down the twisting hall, gaining confidence with every step he took, albeit in the wrong direction.  
  
That is, until he tripped over a lump of some kind sitting in the middle of the hallway. Rubbing his head despite he fact that he was wearing a large racing helmet, the Captain peered over to see what he had tripped over.  
  
"What you lookin' at, moron? I'm inna middle o' sumthing here." A small black cat looked straight at the racer, a look of fury on its face.  
  
The color slowly drained from Captain Falcon's face as he scrambled up and ran pell-mell down the hallway, screaming about demented cats. The small cat watched him go, the traces of a smile at its lips.  
  
"Heh heh heh. Easiest day's work I ever did." The cat chuckled to itself as it sauntered off in the opposite direction that Captain Falcon had gone--towards the tournament.

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_Well, another chapter down. I promise I'll get the next chapter up sooner this time! R&R now please! _


	10. Chapter 10: 4Man Melee

_A/N: Well, I finally got some extra time, so here's Chapter 10. Enjoy!  
  
Disclaimer: I own COPIES of video games, but no actual franchises, despite what you all might think._

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The Ice Climbers and Peach arrived without incident on Yoshi's Island and began to fight.  
  
"Well, no time like the present..." Nana muttered half-heartedly as she thwacked out with her heavy wooden hammer, catching Peach a glancing blow.  
  
Realizing that it would be difficult to try and attack the duo directly, Peach cast about for an item, seizing a Pokeball. Peach immediatly flung the small red and white ball at the pair, but accidentally hit one of the three floating platforms hovering above them by mistake. The Pokeball still opened though, releasing a swarm of Unknowns.  
  
"Oh, I hate these things!" Popo complained, using his shield as protection knowing that the Pokemon would quickly go back inside the Pokeball. However, the shield ended up shattering after half a minute of abuse, the Pokemon refusing to return to their Pokeball.  
  
"Shouldn't they be back inside the Pokeball by now?" Peach asked, ducking to avoid the cloud of Pokemon.  
  
"How should I know? Maybe you broke it!" Popo shouted back, still slightly dazed.  
  
"You mean when it bounced off the platform? I didn't throw it THAT hard!" Peach cried as she stumbled backwards onto a Bob-Om. The resulting blast sent her into the Ice Climbers, sending all three over the edge.  
  
"Y'know, I'm beginning to think this was a bad idea..." Fox whispered to Falco as all three Smashers emerged from the Teleporters, looking rather annoyed.  
  
"Maybe it WAS those cats. All this started when they showed up, you know." Falco whispered back.  
  
"Ok, this is going nowhere fast..." Roi grumbled, leaning against the wall.  
  
"Interesting though. If we record this, maybe they'll show the footage on the Paranormal Channel!" Siegfried broke it, looking thoughtful.  
  
"Nah, there's too many superstitious people out there who might get freaked out by those cats. They wouldn't take that big of a risk. You know what kind of people they are." Roi replied casually.  
  
"Oh. Then yeah, this IS going nowhere." Siegfried agreed.  
  
"Sooo..are we still continuing the tournament?" Link asked after a moment of awkward silence.  
  
"Might as well. This IS pretty entertaining..." Siegfried answered him cheerfully.  
  
"Whatever. That would make Luigi, Link, Fox and Mr. Game And Watch up next." Roi added, looking through the hat.  
  
"Whatever happened to two-person fights?" Luigi complained.  
  
"The 'Captain' is gone, remember? Besides, I wanna see what'll happen with four of you."  
Roi said, grinning wickedly.  
  
Link shrugged and walked into the Teleporters, followed by the other three to end up in Brinstar.  
  
"Oh no..." Fox muttered, looking at their surroundings as the match began.

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_Ok, more soon! R&R now please!_


	11. Important NotePlease Read!

Ok, I know I haven't updated for a VERY long time(7 months and 20 days ago, if we're going to be exact), which is bad. However, I've been rereading the chapters I've already posted and I really don't like the story much at this point.

But a lot of you seem to like it, so please review and tell me if I should keep it or not. Otherwise, I'll probably just delete it. Thanks so much! Oh, and so sorry for making you wait this long(if anyone's actually still READING this...)

paperpenguin>


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